


didn't even notice

by survivedfromheaven



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Killua Zoldyck, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Pining Gon Freecs, Protective Gon Freecs, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, and they were roommates!, gon has issues, he is popular, killua is cute and likes to wear skirts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:53:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24991837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/survivedfromheaven/pseuds/survivedfromheaven
Summary: Gon is a selfish, greedy man who is obsessed with his roommate. Killua is okay with that.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 14
Kudos: 170





	didn't even notice

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first hxh story, i am excited for this. this story was just an excuse to write killua wearing platform shoes and general egirl fashion while gon suffers.
> 
> i listened to "say so" slowed + reverb on repeat while writing this, so i hope that aesthetic shines through. hope you enjoy it!

  
Gon is in the small kitchen of his two-bedroom apartment, leaning against the tile counter as the noodles he’s been cooking marinate in the background. He is incredibly still, arms crossed over each other against his chest. The closed shutters of their dirty windows illuminate a bright orange as the sun sets slowly against them.

It’s absolutely silent - save for the bubbling water of their dinner. Gon is exerting the most self-control he’s had in a while. His phone is face down on the counter with an old notification of his roommate posting on Instagram. He is refusing to look because it’s an invasion of his roommate’s privacy. While it is a public social media account, Gon just feels an insane amount of guilt when he scrolls through his roommate’s page.

The amount of times Gon has casually stalked his roommate is one too many. He doesn’t do anything - just scrolls through the hundreds of comments underneath each post. He might sometimes look a little too closely at some images.

Gon’s face scrunches as he tries to justify his actions. His roommate has a personality of what Gon would think a mug cake would have - sweet, warm, and cozy. Gon might have taken it upon himself to look out for his roommate’s safety. As a single child, Gon often thinks of his roommate as a sibling. He takes responsibility for the wellbeing of the other.

He never puts that vision of himself onto his roommate, though. Gon keeps the role of protector to himself so that he doesn’t get pushed away as an overbearing parent. That would be the absolute worst. Gon doesn’t think he’d survive being seen as annoying.

Pushing himself off the counter, he drains the water from the noodles and rips the sauce packet in half. He busies himself with the rest of the dinner in an attempt to distract from his phone. He needs to learn how to stop stalking his roommate. When his roommate still hasn’t shown up after a few minutes, Gon cooks two eggs and grills up some spinach and green onions. He’s adding more and more to the food as time continues to tick by.

“Smells good.”

Gon whips his head around at the familiar, saccharine voice. He despises the way his heart jumps into his throat at the sight of his roommate. He forces his eyes to remain on the other’s blue eyes instead of pale legs wearing rolled-up soffe shorts. “Killua! Uh, thanks!” Gon cracks a smile. “Not sure how much better I can make cheap noodles taste, but I certainly tried.”

His roommate slowly approaches the counter, hands covered by the long sleeves of his gigantic sweatshirt. Pink lips curve into a soft smile as blue eyes settle on their feast. “I’m excited to try it, then.” He then glances up to face Gon, elbowing the taller man in his ribs. “You are a decent cook I suppose.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Gon laughs, sprinkling some black pepper to the dish.

“What’s your drink of choice for tonight?” Killua asks from the fridge, and Gon is endeared by the sight of the other standing there with a contemplative look on his face. White hair shifts as Killua tilts his head. “I don’t know if I’m in the mood to get drunk tonight.”

Gon hums, taking both of their plates to their messy couch. He sits himself down on the cushion, sinking comfortably into the piece of furniture. “It is the weekend, though.” He finds one of Killua’s cat plush dolls buried underneath the blankets laying on the couch and adjusts it underneath his left arm. “I’ll take a soda.”

Killua sighs from where he’s still standing. “I guess we should be living it up right now, huh?”

“We could always just get high instead.” Gon offers, looking over his shoulder. He smirks when he sees Killua perk up at that. He can vividly imagine the other with kitten ears twitching at the prospect. He picks an onion from his noodles and pops it into his mouth as Killua turns to look at him with an eager expression. “Alright, let me go get the stuff.”

“Yes, please!”

Gon smiles to himself as he makes his way to his room. He crouches at his bed, pulling out a relatively large and heavy bin. Popping the top off, Gon hums as he rummages through his stash. He’s got a bong in the back that’s covered in stickers, but he doesn’t want to go through that much effort.

“Wait, Gon!”

He hears his roommate call him from the other room, and he tries to fight the way his head rushes when Killua calls him by his name. He’s definitely got some kind of complex going on. “What?” He shouts back.

“Could we do edibles?”

Gon laughs at the quiet question. “But of course!” He picks out two Ziplock bags from the storage box before closing it and shoving it back underneath his bed. He gives his room one final look, making sure he isn’t forgetting something he might want later, and heads back to the living room.

Killua is pouring himself a can of lychee juice. There’s a cup already filled with what Gon assumes is his soda. Smiling, Gon throws himself back onto the couch. “Hurry up, will you?” He teases his roommate as he turns on the flat-screen TV given to them as a courtesy of Killua’s grandfather.

“Stop bullying me.” Killua pouts, turning off the kitchen light as he heads to the couch. He gives Gon a stern glare as he passes by, placing the drinks onto their coffee table. His expression quickly morphs to shock as he slaps Gon on the head right after. “Don’t sit on my plushies! How many times have I told you that?” He gestures to the cat plush Gon is putting all of his body weight on.

“Sorry.” Gon sheepishly laughs, patting the seat beside him for Killua to take. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

“You said that last time, too.” Killua plops himself down, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re only proving to me how big of a liar you really are.” He pushes himself back into the cushion behind them to bring his legs up.

Gon doesn’t register what Killua says - eyes honing into every little detail of his roommate instead. He watches the other turn on the LED lights of their living room, the fading colors barely illuminating the space. It’s the perfect amount of light to make Gon’s fixation less obvious, thankfully. He doesn’t really get why Killua’s squished thighs and thin ankles make him sweat, but it does. Killua’s lips, shiny and rosy with lipgloss, are another issue.

“Pass the noodles.”

Gon panics when his roommate turns to look at him. Black eyeliner emphasizes long, thick lashes. Red cheeks frame a button nose and Gon hopes that his roommate doesn’t notice the way he clams up. “Yeah, here you go.” He hands the smaller man one of the plates, thanking the heavens that he even mustered an entire sentence.

“Your soda’s there by the way.” Killua gestures to the coffee table.

“Oh, thanks.” Gon says, cursing himself in his mind. He wants to physically slap himself so that he regains focus, but that would only freak his roommate out. He chooses instead to grab his soda and chug half of it. The carbonated drink burns his throat in all the best ways, and he immediately burps afterward.

Killua makes a sound of disgust from where he is. “Cute.” He has the television remote in his hand.

Gon rolls his eyes and shoves a forkful of noodles into his mouth. “Pick a movie already.”

“What are we in the mood for, though?” Killua sighs. He begins to offer suggestions as he goes down the list of genres. “Romance? Comedy?” He goes through some horror movies. “Scary movies?”

Gon hums in thoughts, burping into his mouth at the same time. He props an elbow on the cushion behind him. “I could watch a bad horror movie.” He sips on his soda slowly now that he isn’t completely tripping over his roommate. Gon just thinks that as a brother figure to Killua, he is not comfortable with the other wearing such things.

He closes his eyes, trying to shut the images of Killua’s Instagram out of his head. He truly despises himself because Killua is wearing his pajamas right now and Gon is somehow still reacting like this. Killua’s Instagram page is filled with much more provocative things than an oversized sweatshirt and shorts. It’s not fair, Gon thinks to himself.

“Bad horror movie it is.” Killua agrees, scrolling through a list of poorly-rated films. “How about this one?” He asks, clicking on the horribly edited cover. The description of the movie shows up and Gon is much too tired to read it.

“Sure.”

Killua lets the movie begin and the living room is shrouded in eerie music. The black screen in front of them is slowly filled with smoke and the title of the movie slowly appears.

“Hope you don’t get scared.” Gon laughs, grinning as Killua shoots him a glare.

“Yeah, right. You would be the one to get scared over a bad movie like this.”

Gon snickers. “Well, if you do get scared, you can always cuddle with me.” He leans towards Killua, putting all of his weight onto the smaller, moving his arm behind the couch to wrap around Killua’s lithe shoulders. Their cheeks squish together. “I’m your big, bad roommate who’ll scare away all of the monsters for you.”

Killua whines as he pushes Gon away from him. “Get off, idiot!” His cheeks are blazing red now. Gon feels proud that he’s flustered the other since it’s such a good look on him, though he is disappointed that Killua shoved him away so quickly. He keeps his arm on the back of the couch as Killua sticks his tongue out at him. “Can we take the edibles? I can’t handle you sober right now.”

Gon gasps in mock hurt, holding his chest tightly.

Blue eyes widen as Killua adjusts himself so he’s facing Gon. His legs are still held close to him, but his hand is placed between them as he begins an apology. “I was just kidding!” Killua says with concerned eyes, but he erupts in laughter when Gon reaches out and pinches his sides. “I was only kidding!”

Gon snickers as Killua attempts to fight back. The other is definitely capable of kicking Gon off the couch and possibly breaking his arms in the process, but only settles for clutching at Gon’s wrists and trying to force them away. Gon likes to think that Killua enjoys these playful touches. Gon does, at the very least.

“I’ll give you mercy for now.” Gon backs away with a last pinch on Killua’s stomach. He likes the shriek that leaves Killua’s lips. “Now,” he picks up the Ziplock bags that have been dropped to the floor in their tussle, “do you want sour gummy worms or these other ones?” He holds up both of the bags for Killua to choose.

“Worms, please.” Killua smiles and holds his hand out.

Gon rips the bag open and splits the worms evenly. Three gummies for him and three for Killua. He drops the pieces into Killua’s palm, appreciating the other’s delicate fingers as they curl around the sugary candy.

They slowly eat them as the movie’s introduction plays in the background.

“They taste like weed,” Killua mentions as they eat the last one. “Smell like it, too.”

Gon laughs. ‘If you just wanted candy, you could’ve gone to buy some.”

“Whatever.”

They watch the movie silently for a while, finishing off their dinner. Gon, to no surprise, eats ten times faster than Killua so he’s left finishing off the last sips of his soda while his roommate slowly chews on each individual strand of ramen. He glances at Killua from his peripheral every so often for no other reason than to just look at him.

Killua is cradling the plate of food to his chest, eyes flickering up and down between the screen and the food. Gon just can’t look away from that delicate face for too long. He has a desperate desire to run his fingers through Killua’s white hair, brush those loose bangs back from his face to get a real look at Killua’s features.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been sitting there looking at Killua until his head gets warm all of a sudden. Gon coughs as he finishes the last bit of his drink, standing up and stretching. He picks up his dishes, looking down to Killua. “You done?” The words themselves are just a millisecond too slow and Gon knows he’s getting high.

Killua looks up at him from his seat on the couch.

Gon wants to laugh at the sight. He is much too endeared with his roommate because the way Killua looks as though he’s fused with the couch - eyes droopy and red, face flushed, and hair messy - makes Gon swoon. 

“Um,” Killua looks at his plate and Gon knows he’s trying to think, “yeah. I’m done.” He hands Gon the empty bowl, gracing the man with a cute smile as thanks.

Tossing the dishes into the sink, Gon rinses them with water to let them soak before he cleans them. He had once let a dish sit in the sink for two days without even so much as rinsing it and he’d spent ten minutes scraping the dry food off of it. Gon wouldn’t call himself a lazy roommate by any means, but he didn’t want to waste his time washing dirty dishes immediately after using them.

He grabs a bag of chips on his way back to the sofa, knowing that he and Killua are definitely going to want some snacks later when they reach their peak.

The movie continues in all of its terrible acting and cheesy moments. Gon and Killua spend the first thirty minutes commenting and joking about almost everything - from the actor’s outfits to stupid decisions made by the characters. The villain of the movie is some inhuman thing that holds a grudge about something. Gon can hardly remember anything about the movie even though it’s happening right in front of him.

The last hour is spent with Gon not even processing the movie.

At some point between the characters getting caught by the villain and the movie ending, Killua had sidled up against Gon. All of the muscles in his body had seized when he felt a head rest against his shoulder and delicate hands wrap around his arm. His mind short-circuits as his body gets infinitely hotter within seconds.

Bare legs that are half covered in blankets curl up against Gon’s own that are splayed out in front of him. Killua doesn’t say anything when he snuggles closer every so often, just nuzzles his head against Gon’s neck as though it were a casual thing to happen between them.

Well, now that Gon thinks about it, he and Killua hadn’t gotten high in a few weeks since midterms had started. He had forgotten how clingy and needy Killua got when drugged up. The last time they’d smoked, Killua had held Gon’s hand in his lap for an entire season of some comedy series they’d been watching. Gon, nervous as hell, had watched Killua play with his fingers and trace the lines of his palm. His roommate hadn’t even been bothered by how sweaty Gon was. The time before that, Gon had given Killua a scalp massage when the smaller had laid down in his lap.

So now that Gon rationally thinks about it, this was actually normal. Killua was desperate for affection when he wasn’t sober. Gon was just conveniently the one Killua got high with most of the time, so he was the one who Killua cuddled with since no one else was there. The thought of his roommate being vulnerable with anyone else flipped his stomach with nausea.

He tried not to think about that. He had Killua right here and right now, the boy’s neatly filed nails gently digging into his bicep as though Killua were trying to tell him to stay. And he would.

“Scared, are we?” He teases the other, turning his head to look down at Killua.

Killua grips his arm tightly. “Fuck off.” He murmurs, curling closer to his roommate’s side. “This movie is total shit.”

Gon chuckles.

“You’re picking the next one, but pick an actual scary one.”

“If you say so.”

The movie finishes so quickly and Gon knows it's only because his mind is trying to understand what he feels with Killua acting like this while also dealing with being high. His entire body feels heavy, but not so heavy that he can’t move, and his brain feels real fuzzy.

He blinks a couple more times and the credits are rolling before he knows it. His legs are a little restless.

“Pass me the remote, Killua.” He says to the boy that is still wrapped around him. Gon doesn’t think Killua’s ever cuddled with him like this before. Killua usually only touches some individual part of him - never the whole thing. He most certainly doesn’t dislike having his roommate attached to his hip, but his warm mind drifts to thoughts of Killua with someone else.

He grimaces. His stomach is back in knots.

Gon doesn’t actually know if Killua gets high with his other friends. He probably does, right? That’s what groups of friends do when in college. Their freshman year was filled with house parties - that was when both of them made the conclusion that they did not like to be drunk - but more recently it’s only been kickbacks.

Killua never posts about his outings on his Instagram. He doesn’t ever talk about it with Gon, either. He lets Gon know where he’s going, but never talks about what happened. Gon scratches his head. He probably just doesn’t have anything important to mention. It’s just friends so it’s not like anything insane or taboo would occur.

“Here you go.”

Gon looks down to see Killua offering him the remote. He thanks the other and goes scrolling through the movies on the television. It doesn’t help anyone if Gon is thinking this much. He tries to not focus on Killua’s presence so close to him.

“How about this one?” He offers a suggestion that looks decent. “It was in theaters a few months ago, I think.” It doesn’t look terrible. The movie title is a single word and not in a cringe font. Good enough.

Killua only hums in response, so Gon decides to play it.

It’s only ten seconds into the second movie before Killua suddenly pulls away from Gon and stands up. “Wait, I have to go to the bathroom real quick.”

Gon did not like how cold his right side felt without his roommate there. He watches Killua disappear around the corner of their apartment to the bathroom. When a woman’s voice comes from the television, Gon fumbles with the remote to pause it. As he waits for Killua, he realizes how comfortable he’d been with the other basically half on top of him. He really likes it actually - having Killua _want_ to touch him.

He tries not to let it get to his head, but the concept of Killua wanting to seek Gon out makes his ego swell up real big.

Shortly after, Killua returns and settles back in the same spot. He begins accommodating himself by turning just slightly in Gon’s direction and dragging the blanket from before completely on top of them. Gon raises an eyebrow when Killua sits there with his back straight instead of resting against Gon’s arm.

“Can you…” Killua begins softly. He looks hesitant.

Gon tenses when Killua reaches out and touches his wrist.

“Can you put your arm around me?” With red cheeks and sultry lips in a frown, Killua avoids his gaze. “I- I think.. It would be more comfortable. Only-” he retracts his hand and instead pulls at strands of hair that frame his face, “only if you want to, though.” He looks so small. Killua doesn’t normally act this shy. Even with all of their previous times together, Killua has never asked to do something before. He typically does whatever he wants.

Gon likes this. He feels his chest swarm with heat as Killua asks for permission. He smiles widely, white teeth on display. He’s suddenly incredibly giddy with excitement. Gon raises his arm, gesturing with his hand for Killua to fill the gap. “Of course. Come here.”

Killua’s shocked expression upsets Gon, simply because the other shouldn’t feel so surprised that Gon accepted the offer. Gon would do anything if Killua wanted it. 

Blue eyes, rimmed with a soft red color, flash with happiness as Killua crawls towards Gon.

Gon feels nothing but pure satisfaction as Killua rests against his chest. He confidently wraps his arm around Killua, placing a reassuring hand on his roommate’s shoulder. This is how it should be, he thinks to himself. If he thought he was happy before, Gon is over the moon with Killua even closer now.

He hopes that Killua feels the same, but Gon doesn’t want to force his expectations. But surely, the way Killua’s hands twist into his t-shirt must mean something, right? His roommate has always taken good care of his nails, and they’ve always been just the right length that elongates those beautiful fingers of his. Having those nails scrape against his chest through the cotton sends shivers down Gon’s legs.

They lay like that as Gon presses play. They’re rather silent this time around, but Gon doesn’t mind it. Considering both of them have known each other for a year and a half by now, their silences have fallen into comfortable moments. Neither of them needs to continue verbalizing their thoughts to one another all the time.

Halfway through the movie, Gon feels something drag up his chest. Thin fingers grasp a little higher on his t-shirt near his collarbone. Gon simply thinks Killua is adjusting into a more comfortable position. His roommate’s arm might have fallen asleep. It has been a while.

Two minutes later, that same hand creeps even higher. Gon flinches as fingers graze against his neck and jaw. Those fingers pull his face down and he catches Killua’s gaze. His roommate is leaning forward towards Gon, lips downturned in what looks like apprehension. His sapphire eyes are wet with a look Gon hasn’t seen before.

Gon’s mind has emptied as nails drag from the base of his neck up to his cheek. His ears ring loudly as Killua’s thumb smooths out against his skin in a caress. A heavy atmosphere has settled itself over the both of them. Gon feels as though he’s become some kind of prey and he remains frozen. He’s not sure what the look Killua is giving him means or what he’s expected to do. He’s almost too scared to ask, but the way he’s being touched gives Gon courage.

“What is it?” He asks. His voice is low and hoarse, throat closing roughly with dryness.

Killua’s gaze flickers all over Gon’s face in a rapid manner, almost as though he’s overwhelmed. He doesn’t drop his hand. “Do you- Do you think…” He starts softly.

In an act of comfort, Gon squeezes Killua’s shoulder, even going so far as to pull the boy just an inch closer. That itself seems to ruin Killua - his roommate flushing down to his neck and mouth opening in silence. The sight is truly a treasure to behold and Gon smiles. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Killua nods at those words, but the action seems to be to reassure himself. The boy’s knees draw in closer as Killua leans forward. “Do you think that- that you,” Killua pauses, biting his bottom lip as he stares into Gon’s honey-colored eyes. “Do you think that you could kiss me?”

Gon can feel the way Killua is frightened in the way his hand trembles against his cheek. Killua is shaking with the fear of, what, rejection? Gon wants to bust out laughing because how in the world could this fearless, strong boy be scared of something so trivial? He wants to grab Killua by the shoulders and scream at the other about how otherworldly he truly is.

The boy that is sitting beside him, asking for a kiss, is an ethereal god capable of quite literally everything.

Gon is merely a mortal man who has unknowingly fallen in love with him.

“You want me to kiss you?” He asks, eyebrows stern as Killua grimaces. He doesn’t like the way Killua reacts.

“Only if you want to,” Killua responds so quietly. His eyes seem resigned, almost as though he’s already been refused the thing he’s been asking so politely for.

Gon thinks to himself. Really, all it takes for him to make a decision is how much he despises the sadness that pools in Killua’s eyes - the way those emotions make it seem as though Killua has had his heart broken. He’d promised to himself that he’d look after his roommate. He had taken the role of Killua’s protector - his sibling in a way. 

He had met Killua during their freshman year at university. They had been in the same orientation group the week before classes started. The second Gon had seen Killua approach their small group on an early Monday morning with the boy’s hands shoved into his hoodie, Gon knew he wanted to befriend the stranger. It had started with Gon making his way over to Killua, giving him a warm greeting and awkward handshake.

Months had passed since then and Killua continued to remain Gon’s closest friend. Gon knew how Killua’s family treated him - how his eldest brother manipulated him and how his parents abused him endlessly when he didn’t meet their expectations. He knew how Killua provided for his younger sister while she lived alone far away from any of their family members.

Gon had desperately wanted to protect Killua. He thinks he’s doing it now when he stalks Killua’s social media and how others, both strangers and friends, interact with him. He thinks he’s doing it in a way that an overprotective brother would, but he knows it’s all wrong now. He hasn’t been honest with himself.

Killua has grown immensely since their freshman year.

The boy has a social media following with hundreds of thousands of followers. And why? Killua simply loved to dress himself up. Gon has watched Killua draw eyeliner onto his eyelids and dust his cheeks with a vivid pink every other day now, waiting for the moment when his phone would buzz with a notification that his roommate has posted.

Killua, to his family’s dismay, enjoyed femininity. He’s grown into it now - wearing skirts and dresses out in public just as often as he wore sweatpants and slacks. Killua enjoys it so much. Gon would never take that away from him, but seeing Killua post images of him in provocative items gave rise to seething jealousy in him.

Gon is not any better than Killua’s family. He himself is a problem. Gon is selfish - he wants to keep Killua all to himself. He wants to be the only one to know the beautiful boy inside and out, to be the only one to know Killua’s trauma. He wants to be the only one to see Killua wearing fishnets and pleated skirts, to be the only one to care for him. Gon is truly selfish to the core.

He only proves this fact when he leans forward, wraps a hand tightly around Killua’s nape, and molds their lips together.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for taking the time to read this! pls feel free to drop a comment! i love any and all support from u guys <3


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